I wasn’t too sure who I wanted to write about for this week’s article. And I’ve been frustrated with formulating all the words together. In my stress, I found myself wishing to be on the fourth floor of an apartment building in Ithaca, New York. Specifically with three tenants that taught me so much about life in only a few short months. There’s a common saying that we do not meet people by accident, Jana, Daniela, and Claire are my confirmation of that.

In week one of this mini-series I talked about Scott, my sister-in-law’s stepdad who told me to “never leave money on the table”, to be all in or all out in what I do and love. In week two, I told the story of my sophomore year psychology teacher Mr. Wood, who sat me down making me sort through my thoughts and plan out the specific steps toward my first non-profit. In week three, I spoke of the many friends that have reminded me of the need for self-recognition and well-being. If you haven’t read these you can go back and read them in more detail!

The lessons I have shared in the past three weeks have centered around “brutal honesty”. While these lessons can look like soft encouragement from the outside, a lot of these moments were hard for me to hear as I was frustrated with myself and my circumstance. These stories are moments where I was encouraged to get up and continue. To think through my thoughts and move forward. To push when I didn’t want to. I make this distinction because alongside the push for us to continue we must recognize the need for us to rest. Rest is not something to settle for, rather rest is something we must integrate into our daily lives, schedules, and routines. The lack of rest we integrate into our lives causes burnout, lessens passions, and tires our physical and mental wellbeing quickly.

For a while, I was confused about what rest actually looked like. I always thought “rest” and “sleep” were interchangeable terms. But in late February that changed when I met Jana. Jana is a Ph.D. law student from the Netherlands who was studying abroad at Cornell this past spring. And by a matter of many unforeseen events, Daniela and Claire were living in a sublet apartment where Jana was their third roommate. I would often spend time with Daniela and Claire and so in consequence, I met Jana when she moved in. Quickly, the four of us fell into step with each other. Together we had family dinners, had weekly brunches, made coffee, went to bookstores, went on walks, talked about life, laughed together, cried together, mourned together, celebrated together, and so greatly loved and encouraged other.

The best way to describe Jana is “cozy”, there is something about her that makes you want to sit down with a ginger tea to talk about the day and its many events. Whenever I would get frustrated over work or school, she spoke with great gentleness. Jana is many things, but for me, Jana is the reminder of rest. She showed us what true rest looked like. She showed rest in the small chat over the making of tea, or the small walk to get fresh air. She of course encouraged all of us to sleep more, but she encouraged us to find “active rest”. Active rest is the type of rest that talks you down from your emotional high.

And it was beautiful to see how each of us applied that to our daily lives. Claire is the type of person that makes every moment feel alive. In her impulse, she creates rest. From the music she plays while we work, to her sudden decisions to change our study spot, she creates rest by taking us out of our stressed minds. Daniela humbled my morning routine quickly. I once had an extremely detailed morning routine. I used to think that having a strict morning routine provided me with rest. But it quickly became another stressor. But with the many times I slept over at their apartment, Daniela helped me adopt a new, simple and relaxed routine. This time around it’s less structured and flexible to every moment. She helped me enjoy the freedom of a moment.

Many people in the mental health field look down upon the simple “self-care” habits that are often thrown around. And I agree, taking a walk or making tea won’t make the bad day/week/month/year go away. But removing yourself from your mind of stress or anxiety is a great habit to strive for. This is a preventative measure, not a permanent solution. However, preventative measures assist our physical and mental health. I used to find these preventative measures silly, but when Jana would gently set a cup of tea in front of me and ask about my day for ten minutes, I saw a great deal of change in my stress and productivity. This is a preventative measure that goes beyond physical stressors. When any of us were hurting emotionally there was still great value in taking a step back for ten minutes to breathe.

Brutal honesty is important. We cannot sugarcoat our lives. Hardship happens, and it won’t always look “fair”. But again, we are presented with the opportunity to navigate ourselves forward. This doesn’t need to be done with brash aggression, forcing yourself to “heal”. Rather healing happens when we give ourselves a gentle and small moment to reflect, acknowledge and move on.

I said it last week and I’ll say it again, if I had to give anyone coming into the field of mental health one piece of advice, I would say make sure you do not neglect your own mental health. The behaviors and patterns we adopt influence the lives of the communities around us. You deserve rest, and you need rest. We shouldn’t rest once every few months but integrate it into our daily lives and routines.

Jana is back in the Netherlands now, and I’m not too sure when I’ll get to see her next. But I know that with every small moment of active rest I take, I’ll feel her coziness as if she is right there with me. And rest assured I’ll take my breaks, drink my tea, and walk the walk until I see you again Jana.

To Daniela and Claire, I love you both so much, I’m excited to see what you do in this next chapter. And to Jana, I’m sending you and your family great love and great rest.

Much Love.

The people along the way: Week 4- Jana and 312

The people along the way: Week 5 - My older brother

The people along the way: Week 3 - Friends