Reflection 1: Gratefulness (and why searching for happiness is dumb)

In my first post where I described my work, I talked about the importance of reflection. Sometimes moments like the one I am about to describe are moments that I think are worth reflecting on and sharing. To keep it simple, I will call them reflections to ensure it doesn’t get in the way of normal blog posting material.

I was talking recently to a friend over lunch about how we are both very nostalgic people. And she was telling me about sometimes it feels as if it is a flaw. That she spends too much time being nostalgic when she could be enjoying the moment.

              I think the feeling of nostalgia is something to embrace, however. And I wonder if you can be nostalgic for moments that are happening right as we live them. I think nostalgia is one of those interesting feelings, where you look back on the moments that made you so happy, that now, it makes you sad. But I think it is a type of gratefulness we can have for the moments we have lived and the moments we are currently living.

              I think a lot of our emotions can be related back to gratefulness. A sort of gratitude towards moments, things, people, or really anything that life maintains. And nostalgia is one of those feelings. And I told my friend that I think her awareness of being nostalgic is not necessarily a flaw, rather a sign that she is grateful for the experiences of her past; the good and bad.

              If anything, I find it as a strength. To be grateful and to look back upon moments in life that have shaped you, is a beautiful thing. And is something that more people should do. There is not much of a thought to this post, however, I think gratefulness is something we often misread.

              I think searching and working towards happiness is dumb. I don’t want to live my life searching for happiness. I rather spend my life living moments that I can be grateful for when I look back on them. And frankly, I think those two statements write different narratives. To spend life working towards something; especially something like happiness, you won’t ever reach it. However, perhaps it is the opposite narrative we should be writing. Instead of making the future the goal, we should make the past and present something to be grateful for. As in, if I were to spend my whole life trying to find happiness, odds will be that I will never reach it. I will always find some other area in my life where I could be happier. And happiness isn’t an achievement where if you receive it once, it stays. Moments that we experience happiness in are moments to be grateful for. So, to work to live more grateful moments is much better to say than to say you will work for happiness.

              Because gratefulness is not just found in moments that brought you joy or bliss. They are also found in moments that have tried you and presented you with hardship. You can be grateful for a trial and not love it. You can be grateful for hardship and not have found happiness from it. To be grateful is to respect what this thing or person or experience was able to provide. Whether that be happiness, pain, or something in between, we can find ways to be grateful. But gratefulness is not loved, nor is it hate. It is simply appreciating what you have experienced in life. And I hope to experience more things in life; good and bad, that leaves me grateful.

              So back to nostalgia. Sometimes I find myself being nostalgic for moments where I have suffered the most. Because now I know the end result. I am nostalgic for that overcoming, that at this moment I am not experiencing. Though I do think that being able to recognize character growth and setback is remarkable. And it is something I am grateful for. To be nostalgic is to look back on the moments that have shaped you, left you with a memory, and gave you something. Whether that something is good or bad, I pray we are able to find gratefulness within it.

              My childhood cat died this past week. His name was Tora (Japanese for Tiger). And as sad as I am, I am also grateful. I am grateful that this little kitty of mine has been my companion throughout life for the past many years. And while I am heartbroken over his death, I am grateful for his life. That does not mean I am not sad or mourning him. It just means I appreciate what he has been able to provide, and the symbol of life that he gave me. It doesn’t mean I am overly optimistic; I don’t see his death as a “good thing”. It is saddening. I am just thankful for all that we experienced together.

              Just like how I am already nostalgic (and grateful) for this lunch I had today with a friend. To answer my own question, I do think you can be nostalgic for moments you are currently living. Simply because we are aware of the greatness of the moments we are experiencing. And what a blessing that is.

Much Love,

Seika Brown